Missing girl = Bad Parenting

Aruba, Jamaica, I just wanna no gotta go

Published on June 7, 2005 By just john In Parenting

I just don't understand what is going on with the current trend of kids going out of the country unsupervised as a graduation thing. When I was in high school, not all that long ago we went on senior trips ranging from a hundred miles or so to at most a Florida or bust trip. Did we do stupid things? Hell yes! We acted crazy, tried to get away with illegal things, and were generally as stupid and irresponsible as we could be. I can't imagine what might have happened if we had gone out of the country where it was legal to drink and easier to do drugs. When you combine that with the ultimate party atmosphere (when you are a teen all that takes is a night club and no parents), you are just asking for trouble.

I'm sure all of the details of the missing girl have not been released. We do know that she left the club with three local guys. Wait! Why didn't her friends didn't do anything to stop her? It was probably because they had been drinking and there judgment was clouded. Surely these "friends" wouldn't let her go off with some strange guys in their home town. Would they? She left the club with people she had just met! What kind of decision making is that? Poor! Very Poor.

She is missing and ultimately it is her parents fault. My parents were strict but fair. When I wanted to go out to prom parties with alcohol, they said NO. Then they offered to let me have a party at our house with alcohol. They arraigned to have a DJ and all of the trimmings. They collected keys at the door. They made sure all parents of the kids knew there would be alcohol. They went up stairs and left us alone (for the most part). They even came down and cooked everyone a lavish breakfast. It was an incredibly fun night but with some supervision. They made sure that we couldn't do anything too stupid. Why? Because, if we were left alone someone could have gotten seriously hurt, come up missing, or even dead.

What is wrong with parents today? Why will they allow someone with a curfew to leave the country unsupervised? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

Comments (Page 1)

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

suipid parents

Manopeace

on Jun 07, 2005

Kids today have alot more freedoms than kids in previous generations. It's not necessarily bad parenting that leads them to do stupid things. I've seen teenagers from the 'best of families' get involved with drugs, and other not so savory things. Often it's the crowd they hang around with. Peer pressure can be a very strong influence on the life of a young person. These kids very often lie to their parents as to their whereabouts or who they are hanging out with.
Don't be so quick to condemn the parents that not might be aware as to what is going on.

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

Don't be so quick to condemn the parents that not might be aware as to what is going on.

I thought being a parent ment being aware of what your children are doing and where they are at. That is their job.

Sorry, If you don't question why your child wants to leave the country unsupervised, that makes you a bad parent.

Dr Guy

on Jun 07, 2005

18 is a legal adult. The parents had no say in her decision.

Manopeace

on Jun 07, 2005

Sorry, If you don't question why your child wants to leave the country unsupervised, that makes you a bad parent.

I would never allow my child to leave the country unless he was on a supervised trip with adults. Am I a good parent now?

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

18 is a legal adult. The parents had no say in her decision.

PuLease. Lets get real. Did she live at home? YES! Did her parents have a say in her decision? YES! (They probably payed for the trip) Let's call an adult an adult and a child a child. If you live at home and can't support yourself, you are a child. You might be able to vote and go to prison but you still can't pay for yourself to live on your own.

This is a major problem in America today. We are raising a crop of people who return home to live with their parents. Why? Because the parents didn't teach them how to make it on their own. They let them go out an make mistakes. The only problem with that is not everybody knows how to learn from their mistakes and not everybody lives to learn from their mistakes.

If she was so responsible (since she was an adult), why did she leave the club with three men she just met? Seems like a childish decision to me.

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

I would never allow my child to leave the country unless he was on a supervised trip with adults. Am I a good parent now?

That is not the whole of it. Being a parent means being responsible for the life you brought into the world. You are wise to not allow your son out of the country unsupervised, but if you let him run around the house with scissors... What's the point?

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

Side note:

I do feel sorry for the parents. I wouldn't wish their situation on anyone, even the worst of parents.

Dr Guy

on Jun 07, 2005

It does not matter if you think she was a child or not. The law saw her as an adult, and hence she needed no one's permission to go. Period. She may have lived at home, she may not have. The parents may have paid for the trip, they may not have. You are introducing facts not yet in evidence.

And while I lived at home, my parents tried to make me toe their rules. But once I turned 18 (still in college BTW), I moved out. It was tight, but there was nothing they could do.

bakerstreet

on Jun 07, 2005

A) She was 18 and could go where she liked.

Kids on senior trips end up going away to college like 3 months later without their parents.
C) The crime rate/disappearance rate is far, far worse at the vast majority of college towns in the US than it is in Aruba.

No offense, but this is a load of crap, like the idiot here at JU that made up all the 'facts' about the little girl in Florida using the computer unsupervised, and then didn't bother to apologize or eat his words when he was proved to be dead wrong.

Be a jerk if you want. Hopefully you won't ever have to deal with no-life, nothing-better-to-do critiques of your parenting skills while you are dealing with the loss of a daughter. You don't know a damn thing about this, and you really shouldn't run your mouth about people who are suffering the worst fear a parent can have until you do.

Even then, it would be crass.

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

And that could have happened anywhere.

True. I have heard all of that. If there were supposed to be chaperones, and they let her go... that is the definition of negligence. It still doesn’t change my opinion. The only way to protect this girl would be to have someone on her all the time. One chaperone can’t manage a group of kids. It’s just impossible.

Dr Guy

on Jun 07, 2005

If she was so responsible (since she was an adult), why did she leave the club with three men she just met? Seems like a childish decision to me.

Being an adult does not confer instant wisdom. No one is arguing that she may have made a bad choice. My contention is that it is not the parents fault, as she was a legal, if not mental, adult.

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

But once I turned 18 (still in college BTW), I moved out. It was tight, but there was nothing they could do.

And when I moved out of the house I had to accept responsibility for myself. This girl was a child. In the eyes of the law, yes, she was an adult. But, even as an adult my parents had ways of MAKING me do what they wanted me to do. A good parent is capable of doing that.

bakerstreet

on Jun 07, 2005

"The only way to protect this girl would be to have someone on her all the time. One chaperone can’t manage a group of kids. It’s just impossible."

Are you a parent? You don't sound like anyone with a clue, honestly. If you think you can hire some bodyguard to go off with your 18 year old kid to college and be "on her all the time" you are nuts. At what age do you suggest cutting the cord?

people's kids are taken right out of their houses in the night in the US. You want to constantly police 18 year olds? Smother your child and treat them like an invalid teacup and see how much MORE damage you do to them.

just john

on Jun 07, 2005

A) She was 18 and could go where she liked.

All valid points.

You don't know a damn thing about this, and you really shouldn't run your mouth about people who are suffering the worst fear a parent can have until you do.

Call it running my mouth if you want to, but it is my opinion. I am not discounting the fat that they are facing a terrible thing. I am just making the point that at some juncture in this situation they had the ability and the responsibility to stop it from being possible.

I say again. I feel sorry for the parents and would not wish this on any one.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!