My experience in parenting
Published on August 11, 2005 By just john In Parenting
I have commented on other threads before stating that I 'fostered' children. That statement isn't totally true. I took in my brother-in-law's four children.

I have been told many times that I should write this all down and I am finally motivated to do so.

My wife and I were trying to help her brother out of some financial difficulties. He and his wife have four children. They aren't the brightest of folks or the kindest. They were into almost every family member they had for some amount of money. They owed some thousands of dollars. I can't remember a time that I have known them that they both had a job.

We offered to take the oldest two for the summer to help with some of the day to day expenses and maybe help them get even for once. We made that offer in December. By February they were having serious marital troubles and after much deliberation we offered to take all four children right away. We had them all by March.

In the beginning everything was fine we had a lot of adjusting to do but we are an amazing couple when we work towards a common goal. We had no idea of the trials that were to face us. I can say that knowing what I know now, I would have run in the opposite direction.

I think it will be easier to follow by giving you a little background on each child.

(names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Beth - The oldest and only girl. She is a nice and caring girl who has always had trouble in school. She has a lazy eye and when she doesn't wear her glasses it points almost totally inward. This caused extreme social issues. She failed kindergarten mostly because her parents didn't work with her on the fundamental skills she needed to succeed. She was thirteen when she came to live with us.

Mike - The oldest boy. He was very quiet and reserved and very intelligent. He had some social issues due to his lack of proper hygiene. He also keeps the rage that he has learned from his father bottled up. When he chooses to blow, look out. He was twelve when he came to live with us and he was 5' 6" and wearing a size 10 shoe.

Matty - The middle boy. He was so shy, no maybe it was lazy. I often wondered if he felt important at all. I never tried to ignore him, but the others always commanded so much attention that it was easy for him to get lost in the crowd. He was nine when he came to live with us.

Danny - The youngest boy. He was the most outwardly needy of affection. He was always the baby. I don't think I have ever met a child with a worse case of ADHD. He was seven when he came to live with us.

The day they arrived...

All of the children needed clothes. The boys had a single pair of underwear (between the three of them) that we took. As we were packing their stuff, we found underwear with feces in the drawers. Almost all of their clothes were ridden with holes from rats.

We were living in a small two bedroom apartment. I had already made arraignments to move into a three bedroom home, but they arrived a month before we could move in. It was tight but we made it.

The boys wanted to play outside and we had a playground almost right outside our front door. I don't recall a single time that any of them went outside without coming in with soiled underwear (including the twelve year old). Mentally, their age difference wasn't very different. They all exhibited behaviors that were more consistent with children younger than they were.

The first month was a whirlwind with getting them registered for school and getting all of their clothes. We didn't have a lot of time to deal with specific issues; luckily the really difficult ones didn't show up that first month. I still believed that we could get things working. We made schedules and chores. We tried to be organized.

We had no idea what we were getting into.

As I chronicle this story I will tell of horrible parents, accusations of incest, attempted suicides, jail time, and time in the loony bin."

Comments
on Aug 11, 2005

GOD you 2 are saints!  Take care of them!  It looks like that they are good kids and need you!

May God help you and guide you.  I have 4 as well. 13 -22.  I will give you any advice I have, but the first bit is

No 2 are alike!

best of Luck John!  For you and your wife and your neice and nephews.

on Aug 11, 2005
Sadly they are no longer with us. There are many reasons, but their parents made it impossible for us to make any headway in dealing with their issues.
on Aug 11, 2005

Sadly they are no longer with us. There are many reasons, but their parents made it impossible for us to make any headway in dealing with their issues.

I am sorry.  It sounds like you and your wife, while overwhelmed were do an OJT.  And for their best interests.

on Aug 26, 2005
Its the kind and generous folk like you and your wife who re-inspire my faith in the human race. I hope that, in the long run, it all works out for you and your extended family.

You Sir, are a saint.
on Aug 26, 2005
You Sir, are a saint.


Hardly, but thanks for the sentiment. We felt like it was something that we were supposed to do.