It's too easy in this case to blame the parents for the girl being just plain stupid. There is a practical and reasonable limit to parental control. At 18, you need to start letting to, they're going to be off at college soon where you have NO oversight or control of their day-to-day activities. It's dangerous to toss a kid straight into that without any preparation. She went on the trip with friends, it wasn't like she left for parts unknown completely alone. For all we know this girl was a very responsible and mature young adult before.

Also, you should KNOW that there is a huge difference between being responsible and being an adult. Responsibility does not go along with age in many many cases. At 15 I was more responsible than many college students. I know a lot of people over the age of 30 who are less responsible than the average teenager.

When you drink, most common sense and sense of responsibility goes out the window. This girl made a very bad decision, one which I'm sure she was lectured on countless times by parents and teachers. Don't go out at night alone.

You can only lock your kids up at home for so long, you can only lecture them so many times before you have to let them go and pray they make the right decisions. There is no magical line, no magical age after which you are "responsible" It's different for each and every person. After a point you have to go out and make your own mistakes. Yeah, some don't learn from them, and they get burned and have to run back for help... there is no shame in that. Some do learn... and sadly some never get the chance to..

Do not take the bad decision making of a legal adult, whom you do not know, and try and make a judgement about the parents. Do you blame your parents for every boneheaded thing you did in college? They let you go without their direct supervision, so anything bad that could have happened while there would have obviously been their fault by your argument.

Are you a parent?

No, but I have fostered children. I have seen, first hand, the results of parents who could give a crap about their child. (I am not saying this couple didn't care about their child. Obviously they were quite involved. She was a good student and other things)

Smother your child and treat them like an invalid teacup and see how much MORE damage you do to them.

I never said that. My parents gave me freedom with limitations.

They made sure that we couldn't do anything too stupid. Why? Because, if we were left alone someone could have gotten seriously hurt, come up missing, or even dead.

The fact is you have zero evidence that the parents were negligent here. As has been said

-Aruba is probably a thousand time safer in terms of crime than the average college town she'd be going off to alone in a couple of months anyway.

-You have no way of knowing why she went of with whoever she went off with. Adults are forced to go along with people all the times under threat and falsehood. Anything a 30 year old would fall for isn't parental negligence when an 18 year old falls for it or succumbs to it.

To me, this is the same insensitive, mindless punditry I see all the time on TV. Something awful happens, and vultures who need something to grump about pick at it regardless of truth or care about the feelings of the parents.

You gotta blame someone until you get a suspect, right? Might as well be the parents. sad.

I see that no one agrees with me and I really didn't intend to ruffle any one's feathers. However, I won't change my opinion because it doesn't suit you.

I feel sorry for the family.

I wonder if the average university would give their entire staff the day off to search for a missing person the way the government of Aruba did. There were 100 kids on this trip, she was an 18 year old honor student.

This isn't about ruffled feathers, it is about a totally screwed up perspective on parenting an 18-year-old, or opportunistic criticism. Either way, it is sad that the victimized families have to face this kind of insipid, court tv punditry everytime someone disappears or is murdered.

I talked to my 80 year old grandmother from Europe not long ago. She told me what it was like growing up. One thing I found interesting is that she was married at 17, and that was close to being considered an "Old Maid". My other grandmother married at just over 18 and everyone was telling her that she was already too old and would never get married.

So how come people back then seemed to grow up so much faster and now we still feel the need to treat people as kids even after they hit their 20s.

Like Zoomba said, I was very responsible when I was 15 as well. I already started saving for college and looking ahead. I did do stupid things back then but then again I still do stupid things from time to time. People have to start taking responsibility for their own actions and not look to blame others.

This isn't about ruffled feathers, it is about a totally screwed up perspective on parenting an 18-year-old, or opportunistic criticism.

In your opinion.

I just think it's ironic that you accuse the girls parents of "bad parenting" then point out the bad parenting of your own folks.

Excuse my bluntless, but if your parents wouldn't allow you to drink at other people's homes, why did they think it was ok for others to drink in your home. I can see them supplying you with alcohol if they wanted (here in Wisconsin, it's even legal). However, it was both a crime and irresponsible of them to let your friends drink in your home, unsupervised (or only partly). You also say they made you all breakfast. If there were guys and girls and this all night party, did the seperate the sleeping arrangements, or just leave several drunken teens to their own devices, then go to bed themselves, with the door shut.

You can feel sorry for the parents of this girl, and you can point fingers at them and their "friends" all you want. From what I read in this article though, your parents and the girls parents seem to be cut from the same mold.

Let's call an adult an adult and a child a child. If you live at home and can't support yourself, you are a child.

I know a few 35 year olds who would disagree with you (chuckle)

From what I read in this article though, your parents and the girls parents seem to be cut from the same mold.

So you agree that her parents were bad?

Excuse my bluntless, but if your parents wouldn't allow you to drink at other people's homes, why did they think it was ok for others to drink in your home.

The alternate was to go to the many parties that were being thrown in hotel rooms that were completely unsupervised. I think my parents chose the lesser of two evils. Of course, you do have a point. Letting kids drink while partially supervised could be considered irresponsible. At least my parents offered an alternative that allowed me and other kids to not get behind the wheel of a car. They gave us a place to have a party. They didn't spend the night upstairs with the door closed. My dad spent the better portion of the night trying to fix damage that had been done to one of the kid’s cars so he wouldn't get in trouble. (he backed into our mailbox on the way to prom) My mom came in and checked on us quite often. Go figure, she was a welcome addition to the party. Could be because no one there had to worry about getting in trouble for what they were doing because their parents already knew what was going on. And really, there wasn't enough alcohol there to allow any one person to get too drunk and my parents were involved enough to make sure that didn't happen. I think with the other possibilities, they provided a much safer alternative while still allowing us to have fun.

My point is simple. The parents had to have known that sending their child to another country could be dangerous. If they had a gut reaction that said she shouldn't go, I'll bet they wish they had said no now. Life is filled with coulda, shoulda, wouldas. Regardless of what anyone says this girl was a child. Knowledge comes with wisdom, wisdom comes with age.

You still don't get it, do you, justjohn? legally, her parents' permission on whether she could go or not DIDN'T MATTER....she was a LEGAL ADULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope, if you ever have children, that you never lose a child. If you do, I hope you don't have to get up in the morning and read countless arguments from people who claim that it was YOUR FAULT! The parents are going through a living hell right now, and your statements are baseless and premature. They had no reason to believe that this would happen.

As for your "fostering" several children: "I'm not a dr., but I play one on TV", right?

So you agree that her parents were bad?

Only if you think your parents are bad. ;~D

Actually, I do feel some relief from your explanation. Not as much that they "limited" the alcohol at the party. They still broke a few dozen laws there, and I've never been a big fan of the whole "well if they're doing it in my home, at least their safe" crap, but that's for your folks to decide.

What I am glad to hear is the part where your parents were a "welcome addition to the party". The fact they were able to supervise without seeming to says a lot for you, your friends, and them as parents. My parents were like that too, in fact, for me, I have been invited to be the "adult supervision" at parties at others homes when their parents couldn't be there.

I know a few 35 year olds who would disagree with you (chuckle)

It wasn't meant that way but I think you knew that.

It wasn't meant that way but I think you knew that.

Umm, it wasn't? No, I didn't know that. You stated, expressly, that living at home under the financial support of the parents nullifies legal adulthood.

Whether the person is 18 or 35, if they are declared by the state to be an adult, they are an adult. their living situation is immaterial.

The alternate was to go to the many parties that were being thrown in hotel rooms that were completely unsupervised. I think my parents chose the lesser of two evils. Of course, you do have a point. Letting kids drink while partially supervised could be considered irresponsible. At least my parents offered an alternative that allowed me and other kids to not get behind the wheel of a car. They gave us a place to have a party. They didn't spend the night upstairs with the door closed. My dad spent the better portion of the night trying to fix damage that had been done to one of the kid’s cars so he wouldn't get in trouble. (he backed into our mailbox on the way to prom) My mom came in and checked on us quite often. Go figure, she was a welcome addition to the party. Could be because no one there had to worry about getting in trouble for what they were doing because their parents already knew what was going on. And really, there wasn't enough alcohol there to allow any one person to get too drunk and my parents were involved enough to make sure that didn't happen. I think with the other possibilities, they provided a much safer alternative while still allowing us to have fun.

Para's right...your parents broke several laws in providing your party. Had you, or one of your friends attending managed to get drunk (there are ways, even at a supervised party), and die as a result of alcohol poisoning, your parents would have been fully legally culpable for their deaths.

This does, by the way, underscore the hypocrisy of your position: This girl's parents allowed her to go on a trip she was legally entitled to take without their consent in the first place, to a resort island where they had no reasonable reason to expect her to be a victim of crime, and you're saying that her disappearance is a result of bad parenting on their part, while your parents invite your friends to participate in an illegal activity that could lead to the transmission of STD's or death from alcohol posioning and they're considered "good" parents.

For the record, I don't consider your parents bad, even though I disagree with their actions in the instance you cite. But neither do I consider the parents of this young lady to have ANY culpability in her disappearance. Your placing of blame is hypocritical, insensitive, and premature.