It's been ten days since I've seen or held my children. My wife's grandmother is in her final days and I could not or would not deny her all of the time she can to spend with her.
I miss my kids, I miss my wife and I miss my life. I had no idea of how much I had changed. In bed by 8 up by 4:30. Some nights with very little sleep in between. So much going undone without caring. Now, alone with so much to do.
I've tried to stay busy. I've cleared the over growth in the back yard. The house is spotless. So many of the little projects that never get finished or started are done. In the end though the house is still empty.
I leave the music and light show on in the baby’s room. I walk by and convince myself that they are only sleeping. Can't wake the babies, I tell myself over and over.
Pictures only make it more difficult. I see the subtle changes that I notice as they transform here. Ten days. Seems like a lifetime.
Only four more days and I will see them. Four more long days.
**I'm feeling a little self indulgent tonight. This too shall pass.